Where oh where has my Eva gone
by Enigma O
Summary: Oh where oh where can it be?


Hey, you out there! I don't own these characters (they belong to Gainax and the like), I make no money. Is that clear? Good, Hey what do you mean as mud. Why come here you little.......(10 minutes of frantic chase scene latter)......pant, huff, puff. Got-puff-you now I'm going to make you read my fic. HAHAHAHAHA (Yes, that laugh WAS evil). 

Okay, now for the boring science bit. Only not sciency as it's info on the story, or boring as it's from my warped and twisted head. This is supposed to be funny so I hope it is. It doesn't fit in with life as the pilots know it. When you've read it (as it won't help if you haven't) please review it and give me tips. lots of 'em.

****

Where Oh Where Has My Eva Gone

(Oh Where Oh Where Can It Be!!!)

A fic by Enigma O

"Begin the test" Ritsuko shouted, right in Maya's ear.

__

Ouch, thought Maya, _why does she ALWAYS boss me about. Oh yes she's my superior._ With that little, odd and extremely pointless thought, she started the test. 

It was an interesting test, as tests go. Which is usually slowly as they are usually boring, so this test was very _un_usual. The test was for something new, experimental, and, of course, very dangerous. Nothing new there. How ever, the something was........(sorry, I'm trying to build up suspense).........a new........( just a little more).........battery. (**What** do you mean, **is that all!!** You will see why this is a very cool battery soon) But it wasn't just any battery (see, I told you) not at all. It was one of those new, long life batteries, specially made for NERV by Duracelltm. It cost a lot which is why every one at Duracell has retired to live off the **huge **bonus they had all been awarded. So NERV had had to drag all the Duracell workers out of retirement to make more batteries. This had been done by promising to throw them all a huge 'End of Duracell' party. Which accounted for the batteries name, as they had all been pissed out of their heads when they thought it up (Misato was so drunk that she was........**CENSORED**). The battery had been christened (in church as they were still drunk at this point) the Duracell Long Living Battery for Eva Robot Thingy, or DILLBERT, for short.

But back to the test.

Misato stumbled into Central Dogsbowl with a hangover. "Are yous alwedy started da test?" She said, still out of it. Most of the technicians, computer geeks and Gendo had no idea just what she had asked. Ritsuko was prepared. She engaged the Magi's translator and set it to 'Misato with a hang over'.

"Have you already started the test, Sir" Came the translated version over the comsystem. Misato smiled at Ritsuko, gave her a thumbs up, and passed out. Sighing Ritsuko signaled for two of the technicians to pick her up and dump her in a chair.

"OK stand back everyone," she called "These things reek!!!" She extracted a small grenade from her pocket. 'Super powered smelling salts' read the label. Ritsuko pulled to pin out and threw it with a well practiced aim to land at Misato's feet. Tic, tic, tic tic tic tictictic **BANG!!! **Ritsuko had been right, they reeked, (Even **I** can smell them!!!-Enigma O) in fact reeked did not do it justice (I second that!!) they smelt like **censored, $&%*%£# **and **censored** all mixed together.

But it woke Misato up, so that's all right.

****

Inside the Evas, Shinji, Auska and possibly Rei (Hey it's hard to tell OK!) were bored. Auska had got bored of tormenting Shinji, Shinji had got bored of Auska tormenting him and both were bored of Rei doing nothing, Rei was probably bored of doing nothing, but who can tell. Not only were the bored, but Auska had a plugsuit wedgie and could not bring herself to sort it out while the others, and the entire roomful of people who were _supposed_to be running tests on her, could see on the view screens. So she complained, loudly, in Shinji and Rei's ears.

****

Back in the control room, Misato was awake, and taking several bottles of aspirin, washed down with a beer, or five. But at least now the test could begin.

"Begin charging DILLBERT!!!" Shouted Ritsuko. Poor Maya got another blast in the ear._ After this test is finished I'm going to get some aspirin off Misato! _She then had second thoughts. _What the heck! I'll just ask for a beer. _With that little glimpse into her psyche she began to charge DILLBERT.

It took a while. A long while. In fact, it took ages. Come to think of it the bar that shows how much it was charged up wasn't moving at all. This annoyed Ritsuko. So she started shouting at the Magi. It didn't work (Sounds like my computer- Enigma O). So she decided to use the most effective method of repairing electronic equipment known to man. Violence. She kicked the nearest Magi unit to her, poor old Balthazar (Isn't she mean! Poor Balthazar). The charge bar zoomed up. Ritsuko cheered, and Maya dove for on of Misato's beers.

****

Auska was even more fed up than she had been, ugh how long had it been now? 

"Hey"

(Huh! You talking to me?)

"Of Course I am, idiot. How long has it been since you last dropped in on me? I mean, how can you expect people to read your fics if they ignore me for such long periods of time?"

(You have an over inflated ego. If you aren't nice I'll make this fic mean and pointy and use it to burst your bubble)

"Oh I'm _SO _scared!"

(You are such a female dog, and you're, you're, **your mean!**)

"So"

(Grrrrrrrr. 9 hours, and 55 minutes)

"Huh!"

(you've been in there for 9 hours and 55 minutes. And I'm going off to sulk!!)

"Good!"

Any way, ignore the bitch fight. It is evil and should be erased from memory. 

Auska was even more fed up than she had been 9 hours and 55 minutes ago when we last saw her. (_Why_, did we have to come back!!) Since DILLBERT had been activated she had done nothing. She told Ritsuko this, loudly. Actually she had done a lot but she was being spiteful. And that nothingy-lot had been very dull ( Thats why I haven't written about it - Enigma O). Not only that, but her wedgie had gotten to the point where she was going to need surgery to remove it. (Yes, as Auska has just pointed out to me, loudly, I am being mean because of our little fight. That we didn't have, because you have forgotten it, on pain of death......... how immature am I?!)

She was just about to fall asleep, when the Eva did instead. It slumped to the ground with a loud thud. This woke Auska up pretty quick. I mean you try to go to sleep while falling 150 odd feet. It is not easy, nope, uh-uh, not at all. For once Auska was happy that her Eva had run out of power. But not for long. Because she soon found her self at the bottom of an Eva pile up. And Evas are not exactly light as a feather. In fact the experience was like having a heard of elephants start a weight lifting contest on her back.

"Shinji. Baka. Pervert. German swearword. German swearword. English swearword. Japanese swearword. Something that is just plain mean." And that was before she even started on Rei. But we wont go into that as it would all be censored very quickly.

It took many people, and many cranes to move the Evas. Or it would have if the little people had been able to move the Evas . But they hadn't so it took many people and many cranes to not move the Evas. In the end they plugged in the umbilical cables. this plan worked very well and every one felt stupid for not trying it sooner.

****

"Well, _that_ was pointless!" Complained Auska.

"Actually, we did find out that DILLBERT can sustain the Evas need for power for about 10 hours." Ritsuko replied. _Actually it was pointless, _she thought to herself with a long and weary sigh. _But I just can't be bothered to handle a smug Auska right now!! _(Can you blame her?- Enigma O).

"Well, I am ashamed to say I agree with Auska." Misato said guiltily, "That was pointless. We found out nothing of importance and the pilots gained nothing out of it" _Not that they gain a lot out of piloting those things any way! _"They wasted valuable training time, and got very bored. Not to mention that Auska gave us all a headache complaining about her wedgie." _And a headache wasn't all she gave us. _She thought, her mind drifting back to the huge hospital bill that had resulted from the wedgie removal surgery. "And Shinji is threatening to quit, AGAIN! And I don't even blame him. In fact I am sooooo annoyed that I might just quit to!"

"If you do I am too," Announced Maya, "I don't think I can cope with Ritsuko Shouting in my ear all day."

"Well, I'm so insulted by that, that I might just quit too!" Said an upset Ritsuko in and upset voice.

One by one all the staff at NERV began to agree. Maybe it **was** time to find a new job.

(Don't worry, it isn't going to end like this, promise - Enigma O)

Gendo began to worry, a very rare event as he is a cold hearted git, time for one of his oh-so-well-thought-out scenarios. Only it wasn't that well thought out as he came up with it on the spot.

"I have a plan" (Oh, _that's _new- A sarcastic remark curtsey of Enigma O) "The Evas shall be sent on a prolonged range orienteering assignment"

"HUH??" Chorused every one present.

"I think," said Ritsuko, "That he's giving them maps and sending them on a hike. A long one."

"OH, I see" Chorused every one present.

"Erm, just _how_ long?" Misato inquired.

"Just a few days" Gendo replied.

"But sir, the batteries only last _10_ hours!"

"That will not be a problem, they can carry spares. After all, we ordered the ones in handy AA size."

****

It was a funny sight, 3 Evas standing there, wearing backpacks. Unit 02 was wearing one of those funky see-through blow up ones (Modified from the balloon used in the last round the world attempt). Unit 01 was wearing a cool camouflaged one (Made from several of the sheets they cover up tanks with), Unit 00 was wearing, well, it was a backpack. Nothing special. 

Inside the entry plugs, 3 pilots sat, staring at maps. Maps they didn't really understand. Not because they didn't make sense, but because........

"Er, Misato"

"Huh, oh what is it Shinji?"

"These are maps to the _fairground_ we went to last week."

"Oops! You mean _that _was why we got lost there, we were using ordinance survey map to locate the Ferris Wheel!"

(Can you believe this girl made it to head of operations at the place that claims to be man kinds last chance for survival. I'm scared - Enigma O between prayers for salvation)

"Looking for these?"

"Kaji!" chorused Misato and Auska.

"The one and only. Now hand these out so they can go, and we can get back to business!" (Don't even ask what kind of business, I mean the good sort, with money being earned, NO not like that! I mean mending the Magi, honest- a flushed Enigma O)

So they FINALLY set off.

****

Auska stopped.

"Ugh. What's wrong Auska?" Asked Shinji impatiently. This was the 5th time they had had to stop. 

First she had decided that she didn't like the color of her sleeping bag. They had had to go back to get a red one.

Then it was her hair comb, It had broken (Though why she was brushing her hair while piloting an Eva was beyond him. Though it did explain the strange arm movements Unit 02 had been making) So they had had to stop while she found another in her Evas backpack. 

Then she had something in her shoe and had to sit down and get it out. 

Rei had pointed out that the Evas did not have foot wear. Which led to them having to stop, again, to repair the damage Auska had done to Rei's Eva.

"I can't believe it! I forgot my picnic! We have to go back." Announced Auska.

"Food has been prepared and stored in the refrigeration unit in your back pack" Said Rei. 

She spoke as quietly as ever, but Shinji could have sworn that he caught a, large, hint of annoyance, and even a pinch, actually it was more like an Eva sized pinch, of I-want-to-kill-that-red-headed-bitch. He did not blame her. In fact he agreed. Whole heartedly. Completely. With all his mind and soul. Totally. Yep. He did.................... Lets just say he agreed and leave it at that. Other wise this is going to get dull.....er.

"But that is yucky NERV super-nutritious-but-incredibly-dull-bland-and-tasteless food. I had good stuff!"

Shinji groaned. So _that_ was where the cake he had baked had gone.

"We have no time to return." Said Rei, "We are already behind the Commanders incredibly tight, mean, and stingy schedule. I like it, it reminds me of him."

"I DON'T CARE" Screamed Auska. Unit 02 sat down.

__

Great, thought Shinji_. She's going to be stubborn. _He debated leaving her there. It wasn't like they would lose any important equipment, as, A) NERV had not trusted her with any, and B) Rei had ended up carrying Auska's pack after she announced that she could not be bothered any more. (Isn't she a lazy little cow - Enigma O who's favorite character just so happens to be Rei, so there.) But Shinji knew he wouldn't leave her there. Heck, he was just too much of a wuss. So much of a wuss that he didn't even know why he had bothered to contemplate the idea.

Rei was a completely different matter, actually she was constructed of a completely different matter, but thats not what I ment. I ment that she just kept on walking, grabbed Shinji's Eva by the arm and dragged him with her, leaving Auska alone.

Auska was not about to let this happen.

Eva Unit 02 lunged forward from a sitting position and grabbed Unit 01 by the ankles. Now, a little physics question. If you have your giant robot's feet immobilized by one giant robot, and are being dragged forward by another, what happens? Yes, you in the front row.

"Please Miss, can I go to the toilet." whined the little boy.

"If you must" replied Miss Enigma O. "Okay the smart kid at the back, what happens?"

"Er, do they fall over miss?"

"Yes, they fall over. Very good. Have a merit."

The effect was something like dominoes. Large Eva shaped dominoes. Eva Unit 01 fell over. knocking Unit 00 off it's feet and falling on top of it. At least there wasn't the issue of weather or not Unit 00 was wearing clothes.

"Ouch." commented Rei.

After that they decided to move on. Or rather Shinji and Rei decided to move one in the hope that Auska would stay behind....OH! I mean follow, I really, truly do. Which she did.....sadly.

****

"Well." Misato asked, "How are they doing."

"Er. According to the tracking devices in the Evas they are." Maya pressed a few keys on her pad. "Out of range."

"WHAT" cried the entire staff of the control room in perfect unison.

"But they were _supposed_ to be in range for the whole of the journey!" Ritsko complained.

Gendo sighed, he knew he should have thought out the scenario more thoroughly.

****

"Rei, are you _sure _there should be a road here?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah wonder girl, are you sure there should be a road here!" Auska added.

"Yes." Rei replied.

"I can't see one." Shinji continued.

"Yeah wonder girl, I can't see one" Auska added.

"No." Rei replied.

"Are you sure there is one on your map?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah wonder girl, are you sure there is one on your map." Auska added.

"Yes." Rei replied.

"Let me see." Shinji decided.

"Yeah wonder girl, let us see." Auska added.

"Auska shut up." Shinji said calmly.

"Yeah Auska, Shut up." Auska added.

Shinji and Rei waited, and waited. It got dark. Then it clicked.

"OH YOU ARE SUCH AN IMMATURE PRAT SHINJI."

Shinji smiled. "Now let me see that map Rei."

Rei held the map up to the comscreen. "See, road." she said pointing to the line that run across the map.

"Er, Rei. Thats a river." Said Shinji.

"Wonder girl made a mistake!" Cried Auska in glee.

"Well, it was you who tore up _your_ map in a fit of rage, and then made a paper plain out of _mine!_" Shinji remarked beginning to get a bit fed up of Auska. 

(Hey, can you blame the poor guy! It's not his fault she's such a bitch. In fact, as author of this story it is my fault. He he he - Enigma O.)

"But I wanted to see how far my Eva could throw it!"

"Urg. Why did she have to be chosen as a pilot."

"I heard that!"

"..............ANY WAY." Shinji continued, "Rei that is a river, how did you manage to confuse a river with a road?"

"I did not confuse it, that is what I was told.......by Auska." Rei added after a moments thought.

****

"Tell-tale!!" Auska Screamed, **"**Stupid blabber mouth DOLL!!"

"Auska?" Shinji asked tentatively, very tentatively. In fact, he asked so tentatively, you would think he was disarming a bomb. This is a very accurate description, as, in a way, he was. A red haired, vile tempered bomb. Ammo: Swear words and insults in many languages. **Warning!! **Extreme risk. Verbal shrapnel can cause permanent injury and even loss of ego boundaries. Needless to say, Shinji did not want to detonate her. It could completely destroy his ego. Besides, it would be very messy.

"Auska?" Shinji tried again.

Auska turned to look at him.

****

BOOM!

Shinji failed, and Auska Exploded.

****

"**What**, do you mean we can't establish contact!" Misato screeched at Ritsuko.

"Don't blame **me**! **You**, were the one who was supposed to make sure they could **read maps**!" Came the infuriated reply.

Maya whimpered.

"Whimper, whimper."

Her head hurt, _in fact_, she decided, _I don't fell that good at all! _

"**Since when!**"

"**Since now!**"

"**Hey, **play by the rules. You have to tell me the scenario,** BEFORE **the mission. I** STILL **haven't seen it."

"**That's** because **you** don't have a high enough security clearance! And I do, so there. Na-na na naaaa-ah."

It would have gone on like that for ages. But it did not. Why? Well, read on and you will see.

The fight came to an abrupt end when a loud, thunk, sounded from behind them.

"Maya?" Ritsuko asked "What's going on?"

There was no reply.

"Maya?" Misato asked "Is every thing all right?"

No reply.

They turned around. Maya lay flat out on the floor.

Ritsuko checked her eyes. The lights were on, but no one was home right now. (Please leave a message after the beep and Maya will get back to you when she regains consciousness.- message recorded by Enigma O)

"I think we'd better call an ambulance." Ritsuko pointed out the obvious.

****

It was finally safe to come out. An hour ago, a nuclear red head had gone off. But the blast was, finally, over. Unit 00 and Unit 01 emerged into the aftermath and destruction left in it's wake. Though the handy nearby nuclear bunker had protected them from the worst of the verbal blast, both children were suffering from the effects of severe verbalization poisoning. Symptoms include temporary deafness and/or complete loss of self confidence.

Unit 01 helped Unit 00 over some rubble. Shinji thought Rei was crying and saying over and over that she was no use at all. But he couldn't hear. So he ignored the problem and hoped it would go away. Again. Was he a wimp or what.

****

Ritsuko and Misato sat out side the hospital waiting room. Both were worried. But a least they weren't arguing. Which was a start.

"I have good news. She will be fine." A doctor entered. "However she is suffering from a rare form of vocalization poisoning, earshoutus vocaliseus poisonus, it causes mental shut down."

"What causes it?" Ritsuko asked. She had begun to study up on vocalization poisoning when Auska had arrived. But this strain was new to her.

"Over stimulation of the eardrums by insults in a raised voice. Usually it is not the patient who is being insulted, but is caused by a fight between two people that is going on."

"Oh." Said Misato guiltily.

"What is the treatment?" Ritsuko decided to find out all she could. After all, with all the fighting between Shinji and Auska, well Rei was bound to suffer.

"Intense and satisfying stress relief."

"How is that administered?"

"Why, by the patient of course!"

Maya burst in, wielding a baseball bat!

"Uh-oh." Said Misato and Ritsuko in unison. " 'Dis gona HURT!"

****

Things had finally quieted down in the Japanese countryside. The nuclear red head had exhausted her self and fallen asleep. This caused a problem as they desperately needed to get back on track. They were behind schedule and still had to find out where they were. Shinji had taken another look at the map, and not understood it. It was one of those really complicated maps, you know, the kind with the....with the....What was that stuff? Oh yeah, with the _coffee_ on it........... He was going to kill Misato when he got home.

But there was a problem. It stemmed from the fact that Shinji did not understand the map. A problem in the best of circumstances. Thing is, Shinji is a boy, (We hope) and, as any female will tell you, a boy will not ask for directions, not ever. He could be taking a dyeing person to the hospital, get lost and _still_, he will not ask for directions.

Which left it up to Rei. Here we encounter yet another problem. Rei, doesn't do subtle.

The music was blaring on the radio. It was actually blaring Blur. The people in the car were also blaring Blur, badly, but don't tell them that, they thought they were singing. Suddenly the car jolted. Then, it flew. At least that is what it felt like to the people blaring Blur. Actually the car was not flying, just being held 100 odd feet above the ground by a giant robot. When the Blur blarers realized this, they screamed. It was a great improvement over the 'singing'. They screamed, and slammed on the breaks, kind of pointless.

The wheels on the car she had just picked up stopped spinning. So Rei put it down again. She knelt Unit 00 down beside it and ejected the entry plug. The people in the car were sitting there, completely silent, as she got out.

"I am Rei. Where is here?" she asked as quietly as usual. You would have thought she had screamed it in their ears. The silent people, were silent no longer. With much shouting and screaming something about Martians invading, the car pulled away at top speed.

"Oh." Said Rei. She began to walk back to where Shinji was waiting. Then realized she had forgotten her Eva. As she was about to get in her Eva, she noticed something. A road sign. Normally, this would be a good thing. But it was not. Why? because the road sign was in a language she did not speak.

"Oh, dear. I will inform Ikari."

****

Misato and Ritsuko stumbled in to Central Dogsbowl.

"Ouch." Said Misato sitting down on her chair. She ached all over. Maya had not missed a spot.

Ritsuko sat down with an equally pained grimace. She had sent Maya home to prevent a relapse. She did not want to be the victim of the 'cure' again.

Hyuga turned to her. He had been lumbered with extra work. This was because the other guy with the long hair was not there. In fact he had vanished from the story completely. The reason was simple, the author does not know his name. (Please, if you review this, could you tell me! - An info lacking Enigma O)

Any way, enough crazed ramblings. Hyuga turned to Ritsuko.

"Ma'am, We are unable to ascertain the location of the Evas."

"We've lost them?" Ritsuko said looking at him strangely.

"Er, yes ma'am." Said Hyuga, embarrassed.

"We can't find them!" She said, shaking her head, a strangely maniacal look on her face.

"No ma'am." said Hyuga, worried

"We don't know where they are?" She said in patronizing voice, an odd grin on her face.

"No, ma'am. that is what _lost_ means." Hyuga explained.

__

"**How**, just **how**, do you **loose **3, giant, brightly colored**ROBOTS!**" She screamed.

"Er"

"I _mean_, you can't exactly put them in your handbag where they can get lost in some little corner. Their a bit bigger than **that!**"

Her little temper tantrum over, she got back to work.

"Eep." Said Hyuga.

****

"Ok, you get her legs and I will take the head end." Said Shinji. 

NO, bad thoughts, not a rude bit. Now why would you think that!

Auska still wouldn't wake up. So they had to carry her. This was difficult. Unit 02 and it's pilot weighed a lot. 99% of the weight was Auska's big head.

"It is no good," Rei announced, "her head is too big, we cannot carry her."

"Yeah. Hey I have an idea! You take one arm, I'll take the other."

And that is the story of how Unit 00 and Unit 01 ended up dragging Unit 02 behind them.

Auska, "Zzzzzzzzzzzzz."

****

"Okay, I've programmed the Magi to work out the probable locations of the three Evas." Ritsuko announced. Once we find out their location we can send an audio signal to that location.

"Great, then I can scream at the three of them for getting lost!" Misato said happily.

"I feel sorry for Shinji and Rei, imagine happening to spend all that time with **_Auska_**!" Said Hyuga.

"I cannot feel sorry for them." Gendo said calmly. "I am incapable of feeling sorry for any one except myself."

"BEEP" Said the Magi.

"Ah, we now know what the most probable locations of the Evas are." Said Ritsuko. She typed in a few commands and an other window popped up on the screen. A 3D map of the earth popped up. Starting at Tokyo 3, red dots started to appear.

"Those are the most likely locations of the Evas." Ritsuko explained.

"Then we have a problem." Said Misato.

"What," Ritsuko turned to look at the screen. "Oh."

The whole world was red.

"Well the Evas _can_ run pretty fast!." Misato pointed out helpfully. Gendo began to bang his head on the desk. This was _not_ in the scenario.

"Okay, erm, lets add in the fact that they have Auska with them. That should narrow it down!" Ritsuko said already typing. One dot remained.

Every one in Central Dogsbowl cheered.

****

Auska had woken up. She had woken up on the wrong side of bed, or cliff as the case was. Rei and Shinji had stopped to see if they could see anything. They had put Unit 02 down so Rei could climb onto Shinji's shoulders and get a better view. The is had resulted in great damage to Eva and cliff. Why? Well Shinji is not a very good ladder, he has a tendency to fall over, and drop Rei off the cliff. Which was quite similar to what had happened to Auska. Only _she _had got her foot trapped in a crack, and was still hanging upside down when her comscreen flicked on. Misato appeared. Misato was not happy.

"What the heck have you been doing!!!!!!!! Why haven't you followed the map properly!!!!! Why are you in ENGLAND!!! That's half the way round the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Misato was shouting so loud that Auska was shaken loose of the crack. She fell a few hundred foot. But it was all right. She landed on her over inflated head.

"I'm still waiting!!!!"

Shinji spoke up "We couldn't read the map. SOMEONE spilt coffee on it."

This was enough to take some of the air out of Misato's very large balloon. She spoke some what more quietly than before. 

"But you had _two_ other maps with you!"

Shinji was about to do that thing where he takes all the blame for the situation. He was going to, but couldn't be bothered. _Stuff it_ he thought.

"Auska ripped one up, and turned the other into a paper airplane."

"Arg, tell tale. Your as bad as wonder girl!" It was a close call, there was almost another verbal explosion.

"Auska!!!" Misato was back to full volume. "You're grounded!!!!!!!"

"Awwww, f**k."

****

The three pilots were standing in the med. lab. Or rather, Rei was standing. Shinji was flopping, and Auska was STORMING.

"How _dare_ she. She's not my mother!"

"Arg. My head hurts! Shut up. Besides it's only for a week anyway!!"

"But I was going to go shopping with Hikari!"

"You don't need to. As I remember a certain nuclear red head went on a _little_ shopping spree after going crazy when she found out she was grounded. A little shopping spree, in a BIG robot. It's going to cost NERV a bomb! It did about the same amount of damage!"

Shinji was saved from server vocalization poisoning by Ritsuko. 

"It seems that no damage was caused by the inhalation of LCL for such a long period of time. How ever Both Shinji and Rei are suffering from a slight case of earshoutus vocaliseus poisonus. As Auska is the cause, she must also be the cure. Though, seeing as the poisoning is not to server, the blow up baseball bats should do. A shame."

She went to get them. However........

"Thats odd, all I could find was real bats. Ah well," she said handing them over. "I'm sure I can trust you two to be gentle, right? Hey, no, watch her head. There are two of you and only one of her. Ouch. Ah. Thats got to hurt. Slow down will you. Be careful..............Oh what the heck, save some for me!"

"Me too." Shouted Misato.

"Yeah!" Cried Maya grabbing a spare bat.

"All right! Violence!" Cried Kensuki who had just turned up.

"And it's against Auska! And legal!" Added Toji, who had appeared with Kensuki.

They grabbed base ball bats and joined in. As did several technicians. And nurses, doctors, AND Fyutsuki **AND** Gendo. They were all getting stuck in when suddenly, the roof flew off. Out side stood three, giant, brightly colored robots, with telegraph poles.

(Hey, no one like Auska! I am not alone!! Yey-Enigma O in a fit off madness and vocalization poisoning caused from having to write down all the nuclear red head's insults.)

"Are you going to join us?"

(Huh. Oh hi Rei! I'm debating it. But I don't know if I should.)

"You shouldn't, but you want to."

(How do you know!)

"You deleted the inflatable base ball bats did you not?"

(Well...yes.....)

"And you had a fight with Auska and have been insulting her ever since."

(how do you know that!)

"I've been reading the brackets."

(Oh........well....I _do _want to...)

Suddenly, every one at NERV became aware of the decision that the author had to make. They passed her a baseball bat.

"Kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill.!"

(Oh, what the heck. I can make this a PG13!!!)

****

The End 

(Of Auska)

Yay. I killed Auska.


End file.
